WednesDay in Football

NCAA
Forget male pattern baldness, if I lose my hair, it'll be because I've torn it all out after reading stories about Congressmen that have so little to do they can consider introducing legislation to force the NCAA to institute a playoff system. Representative Joe Barton of Texas, you are a dipshit.

Supposedly Florida offensive coordinator Dan Mullen will be Sly Croom's successor at Mississippi State. The likelihood he has more success there than Croom. Yeah, not so good.

Unlike Texas' Colt McCoy, who claims he's returning for his senior season, Oklahoma's Sam Bradford is apparently going to investigate his draft prospects before making his decision. Only a redshirt sophomore, I'd expect Bradford to return unless he can pull the two-fer, winning the Heisman and National Championship this year. But, hey, what do I know?

NFL
It's that time of year when all the convoluted, cockamamie playoff scenarios start to crop up. For instance, did you know that the Carolina Panthers can clinch a playoff spot with a win and a Dallas loss or tie, or a win or tie and an Atlanta loss or tie, or a tie and a Dallas loss and Philadelphia loss or tie or an Atlanta loss and Dallas loss and Washington loss or tie, or an Atlanta loss and Dallas loss and Chicago loss or tie, or an Atlanta loss and Philadelphia loss and Washington loss or tie and a Chicago loss or tie? Me neither.

After some very public grousing by Redskins running back Clinton Portis, coach Jim Zorn has decided to have a sit down to sort out the situation. I'm just hoping that, wherever they meet, both parties check behind the old-timey toilet flushing pulldown box in case one of them had a gun stashed there before the meeting.

BREAKING NEWS: Saints quaterback Drew Brees and Bears quarterback Kyle Orton went to the same college! And they're playing against each other this week!

Okay, Mr. Playoffs, tell me how you want to do this. Four team playoff? Well, what about USC? Utah? How about eight teams? Well, Boise State's undefeated, so if they're in, who's out? And you in the background.... What's up, baby?