Tuesday, December 2, 2008

TuesDay in Football

After a successful hip replacement, Joe Paterno is back and held a squad meeting. The topic of the meeting was that strained peaches are better than strained nectarines. Paterno fell asleep halfway through the meeting. Because he's very old, you see.

A sprained ankle is keeping Florida's Percy Harvin listed as "questionable" for Saturday's SEC Championship game. Coach Urban Meyer had this to say: "The great news in the training room today, it's very positive, very positive, a lot of thumbs up, including from the player, a big thumbs up, a smile on his face." The mental image of everybody - assistant coaches, trainers, graduate assistants, secrataries - giving Urban Meyer "thumbs up" all the time is really hilarious to me.

Texas Tech quarterback Graham Harrell had 17 pins and two plates inserted in his (non-throwing) hand during a four hour surgery. To repair nine fractures in two fingers. Yeesh.

Vikings Kevin Williams and Pat Williams (yes, they're married), Texan Bryan Pittman (who?), and Saints Duece McAllister, Charles Grant, and Will Smith (gettin' jiggy with...the bench) were all suspended for taking banned diuretics. Diuretics are sometimes called "water pills." Apparently, none of these players were told that water is available in liquid form.

The NFL is unwilling to admit that playing regular season games in London is a terrible idea. So, congratulations Tampa Bay Buccaneers! You've been dicked out of a home game!

Certified genius and world-class marksman Plaxico Burress was fined and suspended for the remainder of the season by the New York Giants.

1 comment:

Matt said...

Diuretics make you lose water, though. So, perhaps they were unaware it was available in beer or coffee form.