Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Action Football! Season 2 Episode 14

TuesDay in Football: Three Week Build Up Edition

When a blog has gotten to the point that the content going up is from loyal readers (tip o' the tam to Sam), you're in trouble. So here's some stuff that's going on and other things that probably should have been mentioned but weren't.

Might as well start with Sam's tip: Jimmy Clausen got drilled in the grill by an upset Notre Dame fan outside a South Bend "restaurant" (read: "bar") early Sunday morning. Now, I dislike Jimmy Clausen as much as any rational person, but I don't think that he deserved to get sucker punched. Maybe that disgruntled fan should've sought out Charlie Weis to deliver an ol' one-two to his fupa. Which is what I want to do everytime the clip of a teary-eyed, pre-Senior Day game Weis is on tv.

Old news, but a trio of Tennessee Volunteer football players (and some broad) were arrested for attempted robbery.

New news, the one player - Janzen Jackson - not kicked off the team (and the broad) had the charges dropped. Congrats, upstanding citizens!

An Oregon cheerleader was knocked out and concussed by a water bottle chucked onto the field after the Ducks beat the Arizona Wildcats in Tucson. The Pac-10? Really? If I heard the report without the schools named, I'da guessed damn near the entire SEC, half the Big 12, and a quarter of the ACC and Big Ten before I landed on a Pac-10 school. Go figure.

The BCS has hired former White House press secretary Ari Fleischer to spin their system. I spent a lot of W's terms working in a place that had news radio (not NewsRadio, unfortunately) on, and I quite liked Fleischer; easily my favorite press secretary. Since I'm no BCS hater, I hope that he does a good job. I can't imagine it'd be much more difficult than "Mission Accomplised"....

Like the Vol Gang, this is old news, but the Bills shit-canned Dick Jauron. Soooo, yeah, there's that, I guess.

First, like a week before the season started, Bucaneers coach Raheem Morris fired offensive coordinator Jeff Jagodzkinskizzkii. Now, defensive coordinator Jim Bates was demoted with Morris taking over the defense. Does anybody else get the feeling that, if the Bucs are 1-12 in a couple weeks, Morris will decide he's the starting quarterback, middle linebacker, place kicker, bus driver, and concessions manager?

Eric Mangini claims that the Detroit Lions faked injuries to slow down the Browns no-huddle offense. Even if it's true, fuck you, Mangini. Is there a less likable (more unlikable?) coach in the NFL?


Thursday, November 19, 2009

Action Football! Season 2 Episode 13

So, yeah, this week's episode...

I'll get it uploaded this evening. I was going to do it yesterday, but sort of forgot all about it. What can I say, when you're making lasagna and watching the first season of Sons of Anarchy, other shit falls by the wayside....

Thursday, November 12, 2009

God dammit, Jared Allen

Okay, so our official Action Football! policy regarding Jared Allen is "fuck that guy." Unfortunately, when I watched this video, he seemed pretty likable. Even though the "business up front, party in the back" thing is played out (it's like making a joke about a band saying "now a song from our new album" being cue to go to the bathroom; STOP MAKING THAT JOKE!), the two Rs thing was kinda funny.

And maybe I've just been watching too many old Offices (thanks Netflix streaming on PS3!), but there's something oddly Jim Halpert-ish in Allen's speech mannerisms. Like if Jim took a ton of steroids and saw his personality and sense of humor revert to his sixth grade self (#69...get it? A mullet...GET IT?).

In closing, Jared Allen: don't make any more semi-likable videos. Get back to doing what you do best; driving your pick up truck (probably) drunk and taking cheap shots at quarterbacks' knees. It'll make things a lot easier for us.

Action Football! Season 2 Episode 12

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Boy oh boy, the student has become the master.

Who knew after ten years of Action Football (possibly not that long), it would take me basically checking out for a month for Rochester to start writing? (As a side note, did anyone notice that I lamed out on getting the Top 25s and Quad 4s up? No? That's what I thought.)

Not for nothing, Rochester did a motherfucking marvelous job with his MonDay in Football.

Saying I haven't been inspired to write here is the understatement of the year. But finally, finally something happened that got my typin' fingers a-twitchin':

The woeful Kansas City Chiefs cut Larry Johnson. I can't tell you how happy this makes me. It's hard for me to verbalize exactly how much (or, why, really) I hate Larry Johnson. Every time I see this guy (not you Grandmama, you're cool), I consider training up like that weird German arm wrestler kid so, if I ever saw Johnson in the street, I could give him a Hellboy caliber dick punching that would ring throughout history.

Larry Johnson occupies the same rarefied air as Terrell Owens and Joey Porter; athletes I dislike so much that it almost makes me physically ill to think about them. The sort of football players that, were they to join the Green Bay Packers, I'd constantly hope for career ending injuries. (Well, season ending, at least.)

Since entering the League, Johnson's had problems with coaches Dick Vermeil and now Todd Haley, threatened to hold out, demanded to be traded, has been suspended by the Chiefs and the NFL, and has been arrested four times "on various assault charges against women." What a charmer!

Still, what ultimately did him in were a series of tweets dissing his coach and some Chiefs fans and a well-reasoned (note: sarcasm) decision to start calling people "fags" publicly (a fan by way of Twitter and a reporter by way of vocal cord). Regardless of what Trey Parker and Matt Stone allege, we're not currently living in an age in which "fag" has lost all connection with gay slurs. And, man oh man, how dumb do you have to be to use that word in a scenario that you know will be reported? Especially when you go out dressed like this:


Still, as much as I wish this ass had talked himself out of the League, you and I both know someone's going to sign him. So I guess I can always hope for a season ending injury. (At least.)

Monday, November 9, 2009

MonDay in Football

Really? I have to do this? Personally, I am a bit worried about Buddy and his non-posting ass. I'll give it the old college try. And, I am an NC State alumnus, so we all know what the hell that means.

Oregon got rolled by Stanford. The beat down was shocking. The score was shocking. However, what shocked me the most was the white RB for Stanford. Even, Duke and Vanderbilt don't go that way. Toby "Kunta Kinte" Gerhart ran for over 200 yards and three scores. I'd like to believe that somewhere in Connecticut, Merril Hoge was giving him a thumbs up.

Memphis has fired Coach Tommy West. I loved the idea of running three wide receivers over 6' 2" and a big fat tackle breaking running back. This just goes to show you that my team concept from EA Sports' NCAA Football 2009 will not work in real major college football. Turds.

Northwestern beat Iowa and killed Rick Stanzi. Okay, they didn't really kill Stanzi, but he hurt his ankle. And as an athlete, I can tell you that is one of the worst injuries in the world to have. Okay, so I am not an athlete, but I did jog this morning. Okay, so I did not jog, but I did walk this morning. However it was the the Krispy Kreme and I did take a Segway back. Baby steps to a healthier Rochester.

Lawrence Taylor was arrested on Sunday. In other news, the sun rose in the east and set in the west. I was breathing oxygen and respiring carbon dioxide. Oh, and water is wet.

The (My) Buccanneers ended their losing streak against the Green Bay Packers. Who feels like celebrating? Hey, let's go rob lead-footed safety Sabby Piscitelli's house! Wait, someone already beat us to it. Damn.

Tom Brady was motivated by Miami LB Joey Porter's talk before the game this weekend. Joey Porter has obscene numbers this season (12 tackles and 2.5 sacks). That is nearly 2 tackles a game. He a machine. A big dumb loud mouthed overpaid borderline retarded machine that has been on only one winning team since leaving Pittsburgh. Someone once has described Joey Porter as "the strongest retard in the Special Olympics." Apt.

The Broncos signed Ty Law. The 35-year old DB will paid $800,000 and will be permitted to talk about episodes of "Matlock" and "Murder She Wrote" with his fellow DB's at team meetings with Lawrence Welk playing in the background. In related news, Herb Adderly is waiting for the Broncos call. Their secondary is old.
Photobucket If this is gay, then hand me a vodka cocktail and find me a muscley man to grind on!

Friday, November 6, 2009

Action Football! Season 2 Episode 11

Top 25s and Quad 4s coming up Saturday morning. You'll wait and LIKE IT!