Thursday, December 4, 2008

Scared Straight!

The New York Football Giants in all their infinite wisdom have decided it might be best to suspend gun-toting moron, Plaxico Burress for the rest of the season. However, he might reinstate him if he finishes a program at a local prison aimed to get Plaxico back on the right path. Here is the transcript from SCARED STRAIGHT!:
Man, I ain't even need to be at this junk. All I did was bring a loaded gun into a night club, fire it into my leg, make up a faulty medical report, and then pay off a doctor. What the big dealy-o? DAMN!
What's the big deal? I tell you what the big deal is, maggot. You are in here now. You are in here with baby rapers and murderers and we don't give a fuck about you or your touchdowns. In here, a touchdown is something you gonna do when you turn sissy.
Plaxico: I ain't gonna turn sissy!
Adebisi: No, I gonna turn you sissy when you git in 'ere. I gonna use you whole bodee to make me feel bet-tah.
Plaxico: I ain't gonna wind up in here. I am a baller. My slick lawyers gonna get me off.
Adebisi: No, you gonna get me off when I git you in 'ere. Stand up and hold my pocket.
(Plaxico stands and grabs Adebisi's pocket)
Adebisi: You are mine now.
I want him. I'll give you a pack of smokes and a picture of Macaulay Culkin for him.
Adebisi: Make it one photo Macaulay Culkin and one of the sexy little thing from "The Sixth Sense".
Schillinger: Deal. Now hold on to my pocket, bitch.
(Plaxico now takes Schillinger's pocket)
Schillinger: Now you are mine. He just sold you to the Aryans. It is just that easy to sell sissies in here.
Plaxico: Damn! Now that shit is scary.
Hoyt: I don't like nothin' in the first place and I don't like you!
Plaxico: Wow, this shit is rough.
Get busy livin' or get busy dying.
Plaxico: What?
Red: I mean, I'll fuck your life up more than hammered shit! You'll be sucking my junk morning, noon, and night!
Plaxico: Oh right! Damn that seems pretty scary, too. Maybe I better turn my life around.
You know the man you truly are, Plaxico! This heart is where you truly live! This heart! Here! This flesh is only flesh!
(Convicts all turn around with look of disgust)
Sirius: What? Have you seen, Harry?
Plaxico: Fuck this shit! I am out. Maybe I'll go to the bank and show them how fast a speeding bullet really is. Antonio better be in the car waiting for me.
(Plaxico leaves)
Hoyt: Really, dude? Come on, Sirius. We had him.
Schillinger: Yeah, I am gonna rape the magic wand out of you tonight, Sirius.
Adebisi: That goes double for me.

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