Tuesday, September 23, 2008

TuesDay in Football

Buckeye fans everywhere can sigh a...sigh of relief: Beanie Wells is probable for the game against Minnesota! Maybe a drubbing of the Golden Gophers will wash the taste of national humiliation out of Ohio State's collective mouth. Or maybe not.

West Virginia boosters might want to start getting there checkbooks ready because apparently Bill Stewart's six year contract contains a $1 million buyout clause. Then again, Stewart has the steely look of a coach in control. Er....

Florida State's sticking with starting quarterback Christian Ponder. Who gives a shit, right? Well, at least we're given the opportunity to read (and reread) FSU offensive coordinator Jimbo Fisher's take on the offense: "Bing, bam, boom, we never could get any rhythm." Maybe it's just me, but I picture him playing the spoons for half an hour immediately following that statement. Much to the discomfort of the reporters present.

On a more serious note, Ball State receiver Dante Ball and Washington State quarterback Gary Rogers will likely never play football again after suffering spinal injuries in games over the weekend. Thankfully, both are expected to make full recoveries and leave normal lives. But we must ask ourselves, is a life not spent on the football field entertaining me while I sit on the couch drinking beer and eating chips a life worth living? Is it?

You know things are bad in St. Louis when you've decided to start thiiiis-close-to-applesauce-and-adult-diapers-for-the-rest-of-his-life quarterback Trent Green over Marc Bulger, but that's the deal, apparently.

Rochester's AFC fave Pittsburgh Steelers are going to be without Pro Bowl running back Willie Parker and All World fat ass Casey Hampton for Monday Night's game against the Baltimore Ravens.

This just in: Lane Kiffin is not fired. Yet. Don't you kind of get the impression that Al Davis is just hoping he gets fed up and quits so he doesn't have to buy him out of his contract?

Patriots cornerback Ellis Hobbs is a whiny whiner. Hey, don't want to get booed? Here's an idea: don't get waxed by the by-all-accounts-pitiful Miami Dolphins. At home.

Some people call it a sling blitz. I call it a kaiser blitz. Mmm-hmmm.

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