Wednesday, July 22, 2009

WednesDay in Football: T-Minus 43 Days Edition

Some guy got kicked off Penn State's football team for a DUI. Since when is a single DUI grounds for dismissal especially at Penn State?

There was a break in at Texas A&M's football complex. According to the story "The Eyes of Texas Are Upon You" - which, apparently, is the name of a song traditional at UT although it most decidedly conjures images of The Hills Have, "The Eyes of the Hills of Texas Are Upon You"... creepy - was written in athletic tape. Although that hints at some sort of UT students involvement, don't count out the possibility of it actually being staged by A&M students to make it look like it was done by UT students. Like in The Best of Times when Robin Williams dressed up as the opposing mascot and splashed paint on the wives/cheerleaders in order to get Kurt Russell fired up to play the big game and HOLY SHIT IS KURT RUSSELL'S CHARACTER'S NAME REALLY RENO HIGHTOWER? Good lord, if I ever need to change my name from "Buddy Randolph" it's going to be to Reno Fucking Hightower! Anyway, while some "athletic items" were stolen, all you really need to do to sabotage A&M's football team is to allow Mike Sherman to be the head coach. Zing. The best part of the story, though, is that "burglars" is used in the headline. "Burglars." Classic.

Now, I'm not saying Ben Roethlisberger's a rapist, but come on. I mean really....

And speaking of Goody Goodell, Der Kommissar may meet with Mike Vick this week. Of course, people are going to assume the meeting's related to reinstatement, but I'm not buying it. My money's on tips for starting a League sanctioned dog fighting ring or advice on coming up with a totally bitchin' alias.


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