Thursday, November 12, 2009

God dammit, Jared Allen

Okay, so our official Action Football! policy regarding Jared Allen is "fuck that guy." Unfortunately, when I watched this video, he seemed pretty likable. Even though the "business up front, party in the back" thing is played out (it's like making a joke about a band saying "now a song from our new album" being cue to go to the bathroom; STOP MAKING THAT JOKE!), the two Rs thing was kinda funny.

And maybe I've just been watching too many old Offices (thanks Netflix streaming on PS3!), but there's something oddly Jim Halpert-ish in Allen's speech mannerisms. Like if Jim took a ton of steroids and saw his personality and sense of humor revert to his sixth grade self (#69...get it? A mullet...GET IT?).

In closing, Jared Allen: don't make any more semi-likable videos. Get back to doing what you do best; driving your pick up truck (probably) drunk and taking cheap shots at quarterbacks' knees. It'll make things a lot easier for us.

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