Wha' Happened?: The Colts

In Buddy and I endless attempt to alienate and run off any potential listeners, readers or the like, I have decided to actually post something. We both talked about writing posts about what happened to losing teams in the playoffs. I picked the Colts as one of mine. Here is some of the expert analysis (*snicker* anal *snicker*) that you have come to expect from Action Football!

1. The weather in San Diego was a bit balmier that it would've been in Lucas Oil Stadium with the heat on. This really messed with their heads. (Ed. Note: What the hell is Lucas Oil? Was that one of the companies Daniel Plainview had to compete against in "There Will Be Blood"? Did they get there money from the Coyote Hill field? How can they afford naming rights?)
2. Dwight Freeney got dizzy from all his 900 spin moves to get to a goofy ass immobile backwards quarterback.
3. They had to face LT in the playoffs. He always breaks out his best injuries for the second season.
4. It is so hard to pass on a secondary that features Antionio Cromartie. (Ed. Note: How does anyone under the age of 70 fracture their hip? I made a joke about putting a handrail in the showers in San Diego. They might actually do that now.)
5. Tony Dungy had already named his successor, Jim Caldwell, and he was worried Caldwell was going to kill him and then sleep with Dungy's mother like in Hamlet or King Lear or any of those gay Bill Shakespere plays I was forced to read in high school and college.
6. Bob Sanders. 'Nuff said. How much longer can the Colts' defense rely on Bob Sanders? He plays like a maniac and his body can no longer take that. They need to look to get another player similar to Bob Sanders either in the draft or through free agency. The free agent market for DB is really crappy this year, too. Dawan "Fluff 'n' Fold" Landry might be their best bet, but his free agency is restricted. Which means, to my knowledge, if you are under 17 years of age your free agency must be accompanied by a parent or guardian.