Wednesday, August 11, 2010

USA Today Preseason Top 25

First and foremost (in case you didn't read the comment I left in Turk's inaugural post), welcome, Turk! Full disclosure: I've known Turk for a good long while, and somehow still really like him even though he's a pretty insufferable Bears fan. But then, I like Rochester, too, and he's a racist.

Anyway, I was looking around the football news world for a "WednesDay in Football" but nothing tickled my fancy, so I figured I'd write about something I'd intended to earlier. So without further ado, USA Today's Preseason Top 25 (with my own comments):

1. Alabama - Talent-rich, of course, but dang if Nick Saban isn't still the college coach most deserving a cock-punch.
2. Ohio State - OSU seemed to have turned a corner in the Rose Bowl when Sweatervest realized Terrelle Pryor was best utilized if the offense was opened up a bit. Will he carry that realization into 2010? No.
3. Florida - Sure, sure, John Brantley's the starting quarterback on paper, but we all know who's really leading the Gators onto the field each Saturday. Why, the plaque of Tebow's speech, of course!
4. Texas - One of a two team race to see who kills Nebraska in the Big 12 Championship.
5. Boise State - At #5, Boise State is in great shape to make a run at the Championship game. Which, in reality, means they'll finish undefeated, and #3....
6. Virginia Tech - Get ready for another Beamerriffic season: a bunch of 17-6 games with at least one disappointing loss (perhaps Duke?).
7. TCU - Expect another excellent defense and solid offense on a team no one will pay attention to.
8. Oklahoma - (See Texas)
9. Nebraska - A Big 12 farewell tour, beautifully capped off by getting waxed by whoever wins the South in the Big 12 Championship game.
10. Iowa - Boringly Efficient: Catch Hawkeye Fever!
11. Oregon - From LaGarette Blount to Jeremiah Masoli, a recent history rich with criminals.
12. Wisconsin - A sexy NC dark horse pick. Which has translated, in the past, to a 7-6 season.
13. Miami - Like every preseason for the past 10 years, the question is: Is The U back? Not without 200% more fat gold chains, they're not.
14. Penn State - Is this the season Joe Paterno falls asleep on the sideline during a game?
15. Pittsburgh - Wannstache always seems to keep creeping up the polls, even as he fails to perform up to expectations. A true American success story.
16. LSU - Hopefully this will be a balls to the wall, go for the win not the tie on fourth and short with :06 on the clock sorta season like a few years ago. Or, at the very least, a season with a lot of underage bar fights.
17. Georgia Tech - Face it: nobody knows what to make of the ACC this season.
18. North Carolina - (See: Georgia Tech)
19. Arkansas - Ryan Mallett is a Heisman candidate. Say what?
20. Florida State - (See: North Carolina)
21. Georgia - Georgia's transitioning to a 3-4 defense under a new coordinator. So...that's...something.
22. Oregon State - Goddamit, I still get them and Oklahoma State confused.
23. Auburn - Auburn's motto for 2010 is "Eight ain't it." Seriously? That's got a real "rural juror" quality to it.
24t. Utah - I'm sorry, your honor...yooooths.
24t. West Virginia - BURN. THAT. COUCH!

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