Tuesday, August 24, 2010

In Drunk, Naked, Trespassing News

If there were preseason rankings for stories about college football, this one would have to be in the top 3 (with a lot of first place points, no doubt). When I read the headline "Oregon State Lineman Tased, Arrested While Naked and Trespassing," my fingers nearly tripped over themselves getting to Everyday Should Be Saturday for their take.

The story: OSU lineman Tyler Patrick Thomas was found naked in the upstairs office of a 32-year old Corvallis woman. When the police arrived, Thomas got into a three-point stance, charged, and was tased. Perhaps obviously, Thomas was kicked off Oregon State's football team.

In an effort to overlook the obvious gross part of a huge naked dude in a three point stance, in my mind's eye, Thomas is a broken man in a small Northwest town. When the police start hassling him, he falls back on his training. Of course, the cop that corners him looks like Brian Dennehy and the one that tased him looks like a young David Caruso. And then, after Mike Riley tells Thomas he's off the team, he's led away by Richard Crenna.


Turk Ramsey said...

So, does one have to have a Jared Allen-esque mullet to be a football-playing drunken jacktard, or does it just help the process along?

Buddy said...

Chicken or the egg, my friend.