Wednesday, November 5, 2008

You Betcha!

As some of you may have noted, Action Football! has been scary in its accuracy of predictions of games. I called NC State's upset over ECU and I nailed the score and winner in the JMU v. Appalachian State game. Buddy also nearly called the score of the NC State v. USF game one week. It has gotten so good that I am going to start handing out sports advice. If you choose to use it for unscrupulous reasons, then I am not to blame. I mean, I have dabbled in a bit of sports betting from time to time. It is one of my few vices. Let us look ahead:

GAME 1: Jacksonville (-7) at Detroit
I look at this one like this. Detroit is an awful team. Just awful. And Jacksonville is a disappointing team. So it make perfect sense that Jacksonville would be spotted 7 points on the road in sunny Detroit. I don't think Detroit will win this one, but I don't expect the Jags to beat the spread. They are 2-6 versus the spread this year, towards the bottom of the league. TAKE DETROIT.

(Rochester drinks a tall boy of Miller High Life) Okay, so maybe I have a couple more vices. So what?

GAME 2: Kansas City (+15) at San Diego
Gambling makes bad teams and bad games a bit more watchable. These are back-to-back picks for crap-tastic teams and disappointing teams. Kansas City is borderline unwatchable. However, last week they crushed the spread at home versus Tampa Bay behind the running of Christian Okoye's bastard son. Kansas City is 4-4 versus the spread. I wonder when Roger Godell is just go on and make that the NFL's official scoring system. San Diego is 3-5 and this is a huge spread to try and cover. TAKE KANSAS CITY.

(Rochester snorts a line a powder off the back of his hand) What? It's headache powder.

GAME 3: Baltimore (-1) at Houston
Have you seen Baltimore play this year? Really? What do they look like? I have no idea. Is Elvis Grbac still their quarterback? How is Bam Morris running for them? This is really just a gut play. Do you think Baltimore is really a favorite on the road? Do you think that Houston can pull one off here with Sage Rosenfels? I look at the numbers. Baltimore is 6-2, but has not had a line like this all year. I hope you don't need this game to break even on Sunday. TAKE BALTIMORE.

(Rochester takes a long drag off of a long wooden pipe being held by an old Chinese man. Rochester sleeps for 4 hours and awakes looking a bit lost.) What? Where am I? Does someone have anything sweet?

GAME 4: New Orleans at Atlanta (50)
This is my lock. I love betting points. I love the look on people's faces when that lousy third string RB scores a meaningless touch down and ruins the points for them. Their eyes get all glassy as they start to shrink wrap in tears. And the best part is, there is no possible way to comeback from that. Needless to say, 50 points is a lot of points. These are two bad defenses, but 50 points! This is kind of a no brainer. TAKE THE UNDER.

Gambling is just one of my vices.
(Rochester take a short 28 day trip to Hazleden, Minnesota. Meets up with Joaquin Phoenix. They talk about doing a movie about a man who has the power to heal through his artistry in pies and donuts. It grosses $7.6 million domestically, but does very well internationally. Rochester, with his modest wealth relapses and comes back to Action Football! broke and still a bit of a gambler with a fairly steady drinking problem.)

1 comment:

Buddy said...

It's only a drinking problem if you try to stop and can't. So don't try to stop and you're in the clear.