Tuesday, November 24, 2009
TuesDay in Football: Three Week Build Up Edition
When a blog has gotten to the point that the content going up is from loyal readers (tip o' the tam to Sam), you're in trouble. So here's some stuff that's going on and other things that probably should have been mentioned but weren't.
NCAA
Might as well start with Sam's tip: Jimmy Clausen got drilled in the grill by an upset Notre Dame fan outside a South Bend "restaurant" (read: "bar") early Sunday morning. Now, I dislike Jimmy Clausen as much as any rational person, but I don't think that he deserved to get sucker punched. Maybe that disgruntled fan should've sought out Charlie Weis to deliver an ol' one-two to his fupa. Which is what I want to do everytime the clip of a teary-eyed, pre-Senior Day game Weis is on tv.
Old news, but a trio of Tennessee Volunteer football players (and some broad) were arrested for attempted robbery.
New news, the one player - Janzen Jackson - not kicked off the team (and the broad) had the charges dropped. Congrats, upstanding citizens!
An Oregon cheerleader was knocked out and concussed by a water bottle chucked onto the field after the Ducks beat the Arizona Wildcats in Tucson. The Pac-10? Really? If I heard the report without the schools named, I'da guessed damn near the entire SEC, half the Big 12, and a quarter of the ACC and Big Ten before I landed on a Pac-10 school. Go figure.
The BCS has hired former White House press secretary Ari Fleischer to spin their system. I spent a lot of W's terms working in a place that had news radio (not NewsRadio, unfortunately) on, and I quite liked Fleischer; easily my favorite press secretary. Since I'm no BCS hater, I hope that he does a good job. I can't imagine it'd be much more difficult than "Mission Accomplised"....
NFL
Like the Vol Gang, this is old news, but the Bills shit-canned Dick Jauron. Soooo, yeah, there's that, I guess.
First, like a week before the season started, Bucaneers coach Raheem Morris fired offensive coordinator Jeff Jagodzkinskizzkii. Now, defensive coordinator Jim Bates was demoted with Morris taking over the defense. Does anybody else get the feeling that, if the Bucs are 1-12 in a couple weeks, Morris will decide he's the starting quarterback, middle linebacker, place kicker, bus driver, and concessions manager?
Eric Mangini claims that the Detroit Lions faked injuries to slow down the Browns no-huddle offense. Even if it's true, fuck you, Mangini. Is there a less likable (more unlikable?) coach in the NFL?
WTF?
NCAA
Might as well start with Sam's tip: Jimmy Clausen got drilled in the grill by an upset Notre Dame fan outside a South Bend "restaurant" (read: "bar") early Sunday morning. Now, I dislike Jimmy Clausen as much as any rational person, but I don't think that he deserved to get sucker punched. Maybe that disgruntled fan should've sought out Charlie Weis to deliver an ol' one-two to his fupa. Which is what I want to do everytime the clip of a teary-eyed, pre-Senior Day game Weis is on tv.
Old news, but a trio of Tennessee Volunteer football players (and some broad) were arrested for attempted robbery.
New news, the one player - Janzen Jackson - not kicked off the team (and the broad) had the charges dropped. Congrats, upstanding citizens!
An Oregon cheerleader was knocked out and concussed by a water bottle chucked onto the field after the Ducks beat the Arizona Wildcats in Tucson. The Pac-10? Really? If I heard the report without the schools named, I'da guessed damn near the entire SEC, half the Big 12, and a quarter of the ACC and Big Ten before I landed on a Pac-10 school. Go figure.
The BCS has hired former White House press secretary Ari Fleischer to spin their system. I spent a lot of W's terms working in a place that had news radio (not NewsRadio, unfortunately) on, and I quite liked Fleischer; easily my favorite press secretary. Since I'm no BCS hater, I hope that he does a good job. I can't imagine it'd be much more difficult than "Mission Accomplised"....
NFL
Like the Vol Gang, this is old news, but the Bills shit-canned Dick Jauron. Soooo, yeah, there's that, I guess.
First, like a week before the season started, Bucaneers coach Raheem Morris fired offensive coordinator Jeff Jagodzkinskizzkii. Now, defensive coordinator Jim Bates was demoted with Morris taking over the defense. Does anybody else get the feeling that, if the Bucs are 1-12 in a couple weeks, Morris will decide he's the starting quarterback, middle linebacker, place kicker, bus driver, and concessions manager?
Eric Mangini claims that the Detroit Lions faked injuries to slow down the Browns no-huddle offense. Even if it's true, fuck you, Mangini. Is there a less likable (more unlikable?) coach in the NFL?
WTF?Thursday, November 19, 2009
So, yeah, this week's episode...
I'll get it uploaded this evening. I was going to do it yesterday, but sort of forgot all about it. What can I say, when you're making lasagna and watching the first season of Sons of Anarchy, other shit falls by the wayside....
Thursday, November 12, 2009
God dammit, Jared Allen
Okay, so our official Action Football! policy regarding Jared Allen is "fuck that guy." Unfortunately, when I watched this video, he seemed pretty likable. Even though the "business up front, party in the back" thing is played out (it's like making a joke about a band saying "now a song from our new album" being cue to go to the bathroom; STOP MAKING THAT JOKE!), the two Rs thing was kinda funny.
And maybe I've just been watching too many old Offices (thanks Netflix streaming on PS3!), but there's something oddly Jim Halpert-ish in Allen's speech mannerisms. Like if Jim took a ton of steroids and saw his personality and sense of humor revert to his sixth grade self (#69...get it? A mullet...GET IT?).
In closing, Jared Allen: don't make any more semi-likable videos. Get back to doing what you do best; driving your pick up truck (probably) drunk and taking cheap shots at quarterbacks' knees. It'll make things a lot easier for us.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Boy oh boy, the student has become the master.
Who knew after ten years of Action Football (possibly not that long), it would take me basically checking out for a month for Rochester to start writing? (As a side note, did anyone notice that I lamed out on getting the Top 25s and Quad 4s up? No? That's what I thought.)
Not for nothing, Rochester did a motherfucking marvelous job with his MonDay in Football.
Saying I haven't been inspired to write here is the understatement of the year. But finally, finally something happened that got my typin' fingers a-twitchin':
The woeful Kansas City Chiefs cut Larry Johnson. I can't tell you how happy this makes me. It's hard for me to verbalize exactly how much (or, why, really) I hate Larry Johnson. Every time I see this guy (not you Grandmama, you're cool), I consider training up like that weird German arm wrestler kid so, if I ever saw Johnson in the street, I could give him a Hellboy caliber dick punching that would ring throughout history.
Larry Johnson occupies the same rarefied air as Terrell Owens and Joey Porter; athletes I dislike so much that it almost makes me physically ill to think about them. The sort of football players that, were they to join the Green Bay Packers, I'd constantly hope for career ending injuries. (Well, season ending, at least.)
Since entering the League, Johnson's had problems with coaches Dick Vermeil and now Todd Haley, threatened to hold out, demanded to be traded, has been suspended by the Chiefs and the NFL, and has been arrested four times "on various assault charges against women." What a charmer!
Still, what ultimately did him in were a series of tweets dissing his coach and some Chiefs fans and a well-reasoned (note: sarcasm) decision to start calling people "fags" publicly (a fan by way of Twitter and a reporter by way of vocal cord). Regardless of what Trey Parker and Matt Stone allege, we're not currently living in an age in which "fag" has lost all connection with gay slurs. And, man oh man, how dumb do you have to be to use that word in a scenario that you know will be reported? Especially when you go out dressed like this:
HEY-OH!
Still, as much as I wish this ass had talked himself out of the League, you and I both know someone's going to sign him. So I guess I can always hope for a season ending injury. (At least.)
Not for nothing, Rochester did a motherfucking marvelous job with his MonDay in Football.
Saying I haven't been inspired to write here is the understatement of the year. But finally, finally something happened that got my typin' fingers a-twitchin':
The woeful Kansas City Chiefs cut Larry Johnson. I can't tell you how happy this makes me. It's hard for me to verbalize exactly how much (or, why, really) I hate Larry Johnson. Every time I see this guy (not you Grandmama, you're cool), I consider training up like that weird German arm wrestler kid so, if I ever saw Johnson in the street, I could give him a Hellboy caliber dick punching that would ring throughout history.
Larry Johnson occupies the same rarefied air as Terrell Owens and Joey Porter; athletes I dislike so much that it almost makes me physically ill to think about them. The sort of football players that, were they to join the Green Bay Packers, I'd constantly hope for career ending injuries. (Well, season ending, at least.)
Since entering the League, Johnson's had problems with coaches Dick Vermeil and now Todd Haley, threatened to hold out, demanded to be traded, has been suspended by the Chiefs and the NFL, and has been arrested four times "on various assault charges against women." What a charmer!
Still, what ultimately did him in were a series of tweets dissing his coach and some Chiefs fans and a well-reasoned (note: sarcasm) decision to start calling people "fags" publicly (a fan by way of Twitter and a reporter by way of vocal cord). Regardless of what Trey Parker and Matt Stone allege, we're not currently living in an age in which "fag" has lost all connection with gay slurs. And, man oh man, how dumb do you have to be to use that word in a scenario that you know will be reported? Especially when you go out dressed like this:
HEY-OH!Still, as much as I wish this ass had talked himself out of the League, you and I both know someone's going to sign him. So I guess I can always hope for a season ending injury. (At least.)
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