Lazy Ass Football Post...

Things ain't been quite right since ol' Buddy went into retirement at Action Football! Turk and I have recently fallen into the world of gainful employment and things are busier than a beaver hooker at a Shriner's convention. Ha! Can you imagine that? I am going to laugh about that one tomorrow. Beaver hooker? Hilarious. The gainful employment is nice, but it comes at a price. We lose a bit of freedom. You have to say things like "reports" "pdf attachments" wear nice clothes, shave more than our coin purses, and when we fart we have to say "Excuse me" instead of laughing & asking for a lighter for the next one. My grandfather killed all those Germans for this? Oh, he wasn't in the war, he just hated Germans. Anyway:

1. NFL and NCAA had a bunch of monster/illegal hits this weekend. And like the NFL always does, they only worry about it when it comes in bunches. Now, players can be looking at suspensions. Overall, hits have not been crazy mad this season. It just happened over this weekend it was bananas. At this moment, Chuck Cecil and Fred Lane stop taken veterans pay in utter disgust.
2. Todd Dodge is out as coach of North Texas. I don't really care about this so much. This does bring up a question though. Does anybody else think about "Necessary Roughness" whenever they see North Texas play? Man, how sweet would it be to play football with the dude from "Quantum Leap"? You'd know he just took over the QB's body, because shit would be out of control. You'd all huddle up. It'd be 4 & 29 and the team was down 70 points. You'd be screaming at him to figure something out. There'd be a big as flash, he'd look up all goofy and say, "Oh boy." DAMN!
3. BCS hosed Oregon, TCU, and Boise State. Oklahoma hasn't played anyone and they stumble up to #1. Huh? Who does this sound like? Dot the "I", Suckeyes.
4. Farve molestered Jenn Sterger. So what? I have you seen this girl? She created a whole persona based on her showing her udders on the sideline of Florida State games. Also, it was when he was with the Jets. THE JETS! THE EFFIN JETS! That is the most sexual harassment oriented organization in all of sports. Lets look at the stats, people. First, their legendary Super Bowl winning QB tried to get to second base with Suzy Kolber on national television. Two, they had an entire section of their (READ: The Giants') stadium dedicated to trying to bother women to show their boobs. C, their locker room tried to run a train on a Univision reporter. And finally, I am willing to bet that Brian Schottenheimer, at the very least, rubbed his penis on one of Mark Sanchez's moles. I have no proof, but he looks like the kind of guy who'd do that. Also, I got a real weird gay vibe off of the both of them on "Hard Knocks". Ha! A beaver hooker? What a world.
5. Ben Roethlisberger started this week and he is a rapist.

It ain't much, but it is something.

So Long, and Thanks for All the Beers

I've been toying with the idea since the start of training camp, but it wasn't until I got the automated email for the podcast hosting billing transaction that it hit home. I'm done with Action Football!

After two football seasons, a bunch of blog posts, 40-some-odd episodes, and about 100 on-air bottles of about 80 different kinds of beer, I'm hanging up my microphone and keyboard.

Turk, Rochester, you can get me that gold watch whenever you see fit.

Lazy football thoughts

I'm too tired to make any cutesy jokes, so here's a bunch of football shit I've been thinking about lately.

1. Notre Dame sucks. I'm not sure this is a surprise to anyone that actually pays attention to football, but it sure seems to be a surprise to the national media. It's time we all stopped paying attention to them until they do something noteworthy besides exist. So, ignoration starting... now.

2. Mark Sanchez is still not really that good. Again, yuuuuuge surprise to the national media, but not to anybody who has seen a QB who is able to throw more than about 20 yards. Because if you have, you'd be like, "Mark Sanchez is not one of those guys." Also, I hereby vow, for the rest of my Darwin-given life, to loudly and lustily chant "OVER-RATED" whenever I see Braylon Edwards in real life. Number of times I expect this to happen: 0.

3. Rex Ryan is a pretty good coach. I am large. I contain multitudes. Not as large as Rex Ryan, but still. Pretty large.

4. The Bears are well on their way to winning the NFC North, as predicted. The Vikings suck, and the Packers have really yet to put together a game that shows me that they're worthy of all the preseason hype.

5. NC State ZOMG WTF!!!!

6. Kinda looking forward to seeing Brian Brohm start for Buffalo this week. Not saying "succeed" this week, because he's still saddled with probably the worst organization in the league, but I like when young QBs get a chance to show their stuff after successful college careers.

7. Stanford ZOMG WTF!!!

8. Denard Robinson is pretty awesome.

Action Football's (Literal) Football Watching Guide

I watch a lot of football. You watch a lot of football. But have you ever stopped to think about how you watch football? Well, here's how I do it.

Years ago some magazine had a sidebar with tips from John Madden about how to watch football on television. The only one of the tips that I remember is that you should keep your eye on the offensive line before and immediately after the snap. Ever since reading that, that's what I do.

Initially, it was pretty difficult, because up to that point I was following the ball from the snap until the end of the play. Thing is, watching the guard and centers will tell you almost immediately if the play is a run or pass, the direction of the former and if there's a roll-out pocket on the latter. If you see the line move forward at the snap, it's a run, back up, it's a pass (or, I guess, a draw). If a guard pulls in one direction, chances are that's where the run is headed. If the entire line moves back and uniformly in one direction, that's going to be a moving pocket for a roll-out pass.

If it's a run play, I'll generally switch my focus to the running back, or more specifically, the area to which the running back is headed. Since it's almost impossible to see if a hole is open from the sideline perspective of the cameras, you kind of have to develop a sense for how many players are in the vicinity and if there are any free-running defensive players.

If it's a pass play, I start a "one one thousand, two one thousand..." count. Most NFL offenses have pass plays designed to get the ball out before you hit "four." If you get past four and the quarterback isn't scrambling, he's probably going to get knocked down whether or not he gets the ball out. For the most part, it's better to keep your eye on the line and/or backs tasked with picking up blitzers because 1) it's pretty much impossible to watch receivers that run routes any more than five yards down field after the camera sets on the quarterback, and 2) it gives you a much better sense of the pressure generated than simply watching quarterback look for receivers.

After I got comfortable watching plays develop this way, I started paying more attention to adjustments made before the snap. How many linebackers or defensive backs were crowding the line showing blitz? Did the center, quarterback, and/or running back(s) appear to point out those players? If so, did they back off? In most cases, at least one of the players that shows blitz ends up dropping off into coverage, in some cases being replaced by a blitzer that hadn't indicated he was rushing. At the snap, when the rush is set loose, are all the blitzers picked up? On a run, if it was impossible to pick up every blitzer, was the blocking scheme adjusted so the free-runner was furthest from the running back and coming from the direction away from where the ball is headed?

I'd argue that if you start keeping these things in mind while you watch games, you'll get a better sense of how the game is progressing, the strategy the offensive and defensive coordinators are employing, and how individual match ups are being played out. It's pretty gratifying to see a spectacular block that seals a running lane while the play's developing rather than having it pointed out by some color commentary jag during a replay.

One downside of this viewing approach, though: you'll find yourself getting a little pissed when, inevitably, the telecast holds too long on a replay, cutting back to the game after the next play is run. I mean, if I don't see every snap of the game, someting bad might happen. Now I'm going to have to switch the kitchen light on and off twenty five times while holding down the mute button on my cellphone.

Whew, that's better.

Weeks 2 and 3

Earlier in the week, I had some big ideas for getting a solo podcast up considering AF!'s now five weeks behind what we've done in the past. The cost/benefit analysis came out waaaay on the side of "cost," so those were scrapped. Then, I had half a post typed up that was basically this paragraph and then a fleshed out outline of what I was gonna say on the podcast. Then I got busy and that got the heave ho.

So now here we are: Already into Week 3 (congratulations NC State, you couldn't have done it without Rochester's support), and shy of a post about Jacory Harris's Columbus attire, no mention of Week 2. At all. Man alive, we're pros!

So, before looking ahead, let's take a brief look back.

NCAA
Virginia Tech becomes a national non-factor so much faster than anyone ever would have thought. Tough tiddies for them, but the real question is how it's going to affect Boise State. Obviously, the Broncos' clutch Week 1 win is a lot lest lustrous after VaTech Michiganed it up to James Madison, but I think, for the most part, Boise State controls their own destiny. If they win out - handily - they'll get a shot at the NC, especially since they still have a game against Oregon State. The Beavers are still a ranked team despite a close loss to TCU, a top tier team in their own right. Of course, if Oregon State somehow lost to Louisville this weekend, well, Boise State would be pretty well fucked.

ESPN's much hyped "Monster Saturday" pretty much failed to live up to the billing on all fronts. First, South Carolina beat Georgia 17-6, leading wire to wire. Then, Ohio State beat Miami 36-24. And finally, Alabama beat Penn State back to the Stone Age (or, alternatively, Joe Paterno's awkward teenage years; hahahahaha, he's old!) 24-3.

Speaking of Alabama, that one running back sure is doing well in relief of that injured, starting running back. (Note to intern: fill in those names)

NFL
I think everybody's done talking about how the Lions got jobbed on that essentially game ending not-a-touchdown-after-all call. But look, I hate the Bears as much as everyone should, and I would have loved to see them get beat. At home. By the Lions. But as the rule is written, Calvin Johnson's reception wasn't. This isn't a new rule, and I find it hard to believe there's a receiver in the League that doesn't know you have to keep possession to the ground. And given that 1) he's a professional athlete with presumed excellent kinetic sense and 2) replays show there was about twenty minutes from the time he caught the ball in the air until the ball touched the ground, he probably should have been able to bring the ball into his bread basket and land on his side. Just sayin'. Still, non-Bears fans should take solace in the fact that Cutler and Co. barely beat a team that's won two games in the last two years, was without their starting quarterback, in Chicago. Lovie Smith's seat must be on fiiiyaaaah.

When is it too soon to make the JErsey RaTS and their fans stop the Super Bowl talk? 'Cause Monday night probably should have been it. Granted, Baltimore's got a helluva defense but the Jets offense (and Mark Sanchez in particular) looked effing dreadful. Yeah, so the Jets' defense also looked pretty good, and they say that defense wins championships, but the other part of that is offense winning games and good goddam luck playing for a championship if you don't win any games....

Finally, because it's the game I paid closest attention to, there was a lot of shit going on in the Packers/Eagles game. First, their were injuries galore. In the light of the increased scrutiny of and research into head injuries, the most significant long term were the concussions to the Eagles' Kevin Kolb (QB) and Stewart Bradley (LB). Especially the latter, given the fact that after he took the shot to his dome, he hit the ground, laid there, attempted to get up, stumbled, collapsed, and then still attempted to get up, despite the panicked pleas of his teammates to stay down while they were waving over medical personnel. I'll have to check the replay, but I'm fairly certain his brains were hanging out of his ears when he got to the sideline. And yet the coaching staff let him return to the game before finally, duh, diagnosing the concussion at halftime. Apparently, Andy Reid wants to use 2010 to expand his horrible, horrible in-game strategizing from "clock management" and "play calling" to "player safety" as well. (Although don't think for a second he's giving up on those other two: just look at how he used up all his timeouts with six minutes left in a one-score game or how he called a to-be-game-ending 4th and one quarterback sneak - up the damn middle - after a game loaded with Michael Vick runs to the outside that absolutely torched Green Bay's defense. Bravo, Andy Reid, bravo.)

That being said, since the Packers are most everybody's Super Bowl darling, you can't overlook the hit they took losing Ryan Grant for the year. Brandon Jackson ran well in relief during the Eagles games, and apparently the Eagles forgot that fullbacks were allowed to touch the ball considering Chad Kuhn seemed to gain a minimum of seven yards on the few carries he had, and the strength of the offense is the deep and varied passing attack, so.... Actually, I forgot where I was going here. Suffice it to say, I think the Packers'll be okay.

So, as far as this week is concerned:

NCAA
#1 Alabama a. Duke - There was some article that said the the Blue Devils' passing attack was going to test 'Bama's defense. That's some wishful thinking. Plus, I was certain this was a misprint: Alabama at Duke? Has Alabama ever played in a stadium that only holds 33,000 people?
#18 USC a. Minnesota - After seeing them play for a couple of weeks, I'm surprised USC's still ranked as high as 18. If Minnesota plans to beat a ranked team this year, this is the game. But, yeah, that's not going to happen.
Arizona State a. #11 Wisconsin - As a Badgers fan, this game's got me nervous as hell. Which does not bode well for Conference play.... Looks like it's off to Costco to stock up on Tums and Prilosec.
Baylor a. #4 TCU - Should be fun. Baylor's Robert Griffin can be an electrifying player (although doesn't it seem like he's been playing for about twelve years now?) and TCU has to win all their games in convincing fashion in order to stay in BCS striking range.
Clemson a. #16 Auburn - I know shit-all about Clemson this season, but after Mississippi State threw a scare into Auburn to start the season, who knows what'll happen here?
Mississippi State a. #15 LSU - So I just mentioned Mississippi State's near-upset of Auburn. Add to that LSU barely getting by North Carolina team short a shit-ton of players (on a side note, it's funny to think about Rochester foaming at the mouth right now; relax, I mentioned that as a fact, not an excuse for the Tar Heels...), and a MSST win would hardly be classified as an upset.
#6 Texas a. Texas Tech - In state blah blah blah.
#9 Iowa a. #24 Arizona - Why do I get the feeling Iowa's going to be down 31-10 at halftime, but then end up winning 33-31?
Wake Forest a. #19 Stanford - Here's my upset special. Which will probably work out as well as my last one....
ECU a. Virginia Tech - Will Virgina Tech go from NC hopeful to 0-3 dog in three short weeks? I don't see why not.

NFL
It's only week two, so almost all of the games are equally meaningful and meaningless, but looking over the schedule...damn, there's not much in terms of must-see football. So my advice is to watch your favorite team play (and be thankful that byes haven't started yet) and then watch Sunday Ticket's Red Zone channel.

TresseLOL

Jacory Harris, sometimes pretty good at football, but always sporting the latest in Tressel-mocking apparel. +1, bro.

"I wanna kiss him"