Action Football! Episode 10

You Betcha!

As some of you may have noted, Action Football! has been scary in its accuracy of predictions of games. I called NC State's upset over ECU and I nailed the score and winner in the JMU v. Appalachian State game. Buddy also nearly called the score of the NC State v. USF game one week. It has gotten so good that I am going to start handing out sports advice. If you choose to use it for unscrupulous reasons, then I am not to blame. I mean, I have dabbled in a bit of sports betting from time to time. It is one of my few vices. Let us look ahead:

GAME 1: Jacksonville (-7) at Detroit

I look at this one like this. Detroit is an awful team. Just awful. And Jacksonville is a disappointing team. So it make perfect sense that Jacksonville would be spotted 7 points on the road in sunny Detroit. I don't think Detroit will win this one, but I don't expect the Jags to beat the spread. They are 2-6 versus the spread this year, towards the bottom of the league. TAKE DETROIT.

(Rochester drinks a tall boy of Miller High Life) Okay, so maybe I have a couple more vices. So what?

GAME 2: Kansas City (+15) at San Diego
Gambling makes bad teams and bad games a bit more watchable. These are back-to-back picks for crap-tastic teams and disappointing teams. Kansas City is borderline unwatchable. However, last week they crushed the spread at home versus Tampa Bay behind the running of Christian Okoye's bastard son. Kansas City is 4-4 versus the spread. I wonder when Roger Godell is just go on and make that the NFL's official scoring system. San Diego is 3-5 and this is a huge spread to try and cover. TAKE KANSAS CITY.

(Rochester snorts a line a powder off the back of his hand) What? It's headache powder.

GAME 3: Baltimore (-1) at Houston
Have you seen Baltimore play this year? Really? What do they look like? I have no idea. Is Elvis Grbac still their quarterback? How is Bam Morris running for them? This is really just a gut play. Do you think Baltimore is really a favorite on the road? Do you think that Houston can pull one off here with Sage Rosenfels? I look at the numbers. Baltimore is 6-2, but has not had a line like this all year. I hope you don't need this game to break even on Sunday. TAKE BALTIMORE.

(Rochester takes a long drag off of a long wooden pipe being held by an old Chinese man. Rochester sleeps for 4 hours and awakes looking a bit lost.) What? Where am I? Does someone have anything sweet?

GAME 4: New Orleans at Atlanta (50)
This is my lock. I love betting points. I love the look on people's faces when that lousy third string RB scores a meaningless touch down and ruins the points for them. Their eyes get all glassy as they start to shrink wrap in tears. And the best part is, there is no possible way to comeback from that. Needless to say, 50 points is a lot of points. These are two bad defenses, but 50 points! This is kind of a no brainer. TAKE THE UNDER.

Gambling is just one of my vices.
(Rochester take a short 28 day trip to Hazleden, Minnesota. Meets up with Joaquin Phoenix. They talk about doing a movie about a man who has the power to heal through his artistry in pies and donuts. It grosses $7.6 million domestically, but does very well internationally. Rochester, with his modest wealth relapses and comes back to Action Football! broke and still a bit of a gambler with a fairly steady drinking problem.)

Without a doubt, the Halloween costume of the year:

BABY MANGINOOOOOO!

(from Deadspin)

A Personal Welcome to One of Our Newest Readers

Here's to you, person in Singapore that did a Google blog search for "naked guys".

In Technology News

The Action Football! Podcast is now in the actual iTunes store. So if you want to subscribe to it (or turn a friend on to it), instead of having to open iTunes, go to Advanced, select "Subscribe to podcast"... you can just go to the iTunes store and do a podcast search for virtually any combination of: "Rochester" "Randolph" "Action" "Football" and let the robots do your work for you!

ThursDay in Football

Buddy Randolph: on the mend! I'm sitting at about 75% right now, so next week's show should be on track.

NCAA
Apparently Cincinnati's getting 4 (four) quarterbacks ready for the upcoming game against South Florida. (And by upcoming, I mean to-fucking-night.) Anyway, I'm generally suspicious of running quarterback-by-committee with two quarterbacks let alone four. If there's any justice, they will run a different quarterback for each down of each series. It's so crazy, it just might work!

It's a felony to break into a dorm room? Too bad for you, Virginia fullback RaShawn Jackson. (And mind your weekends, Rochester.)

Without a game this week, Joe Paterno may have surgery. I didn't actually read this story, but I'm guessing the surgery is for his knee or hip or whatever leg injury's got him stuck in the press box. But I'd like to believe that the surgery is gender reassignment. Something about JoePa has always seemed grandmotherly to me, and I'd like to see that become a reality.

NFL
Michael Vick is going to have to plead guilty in person. Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever.... The prosecutor's name is GERALD POINDEXTER! Seriously? Is Vick's attourney named Sherman Dastardly? It's like a trial from an Archie comic book.

You know things are going good in Detroit when they had to e-mail Daunte Culpepper's agent, Daunte Culpepper, to see about giving Culpepper a workout.

Economic crisis? Seemingly endless war? Fuck that shit, the Senate wants more football on tv!

"So you show up, fill out some paperwork, let the AD know when you're gonna pop, do your business, and pick up your fifty bucks."

"But isn't it weird being around, like, forty other half naked guys?"

"Yeah, the first couple times, I guess. But you get used to it. Plus craft services let's you take home food if you want."

"Uh, yeah, no thanks...."

Our Podcast is Sick!

I mean that literally. I am almost 30 years old for Fred Savage's sake, why would I use the term sick to mean something good. The only 30 year olds who use sick to mean something good are those dochebags who still skateboard. Why aren't those dudes on a sexual predator watch list? I mean, I can't walk past St. Mary's during a field hockey game without getting one of these uppity mothers throwing their Volvo keys at my ass, but these guys can gleam the cube with a bunch of teen-aged boys? Where are you on this one, Chris Hansen? Oh and I love it when these guys show up at there jobs with twisted ankles and broken hips. Have fun explaining that one to your VP of development, fuckshovel.

Anywho, Buddy Randolph got a case of the sniffles and decided to squash this week's podcast. I wouldn't hear of it. So, I went ahead and talked about the NFL for an hour all by me-self. There was no recording equipment, so no one would hear it. No one hearing our podcast is pretty much standard, so no biggie-shortie. We'll be back next week. Take you vitamins and Happy Halloween, people. FOR TRUE!